Torrefaction

1. The bright colors.  Being tall and wearing a 1x doesn't make me feel conspicuous enough, so I'm delighted that designers avail themselves of every color in the PAAS Easter-Egg-Decorating pallete.

2. The high waisted pants.  As belly buttons move outward, they also apparently move upward by several inches, and it's nice of the designers to notice this. 

3. The wide, boxy cuts.  Women gain weight evenly all the way around, like sausages, and it's so great to have clothing that reflects this.

4. The short shirts.  My poochy belly wants the world to see it, damn it!  So I'm glad no-one thinks to make a shirt long enough to cover it.  It's particularly edifying to find a shirt wider than it is long.

5. The waist-to-hip ratio.  Although I weigh 200 pounds and am shaped exactly like a voluptuous potato, I like to imagine that my waist and hips are in the same proportion as a swimsuit model, so I'm glad designers keep nipping in those waists.  Nothing's so calming as the sound of the extra fabric around my hips flapping gently in the breeze when I wear pants that fit comfortably in the waist.

6. Dart-free construction.  Rather than sew shirts to fit boobs, designers just make the whole shirt bigger.  So flattering, and gives me plenty of fun opportunities to talk about how I'm not pregnant.