Torrefaction

Warning: contains discussion of my period!  12-year-old boys beware!

Ok, so back in February, I went on the pill.  I have always had bad cramps, and the older I get, the more they move from causing "pain" to "horribly, ungodly, debilitating pain."  Maybe this is endo, maybe my hormones just hate me, etc etc.  Part of why we decided to stop TTC was that it meant I could return to the one thing that had, in the past, helped my cramps - the pill.

Ortho makes three pills that I have personally tried.  The first one I took, back in my late 20's is a single phase pill called ORTHO-CYCLEN.  Single-phase means that all 21 of the "active" pills in the pack have the same dosage, which is this case is .025mcg of norgestimate (the Progestin) and .035mcg of ethinyl estradiol (the Estrogen). (I am going to get ungodly amounts of pharmaceutical comment spam for this!)  The single phase pill, back in the day, totally got rid of my cramps, reduced my normally 5-day period (3 heavy 2 light) to 2 and a half light days, and cleared up ALL of my acne.  It also totally killed my sex drive, put my blood pressure up to 160/90, and made my normally roller-coaster-like mood swings go away to the point that I felt like a walking corpse.  So eventually it wasn't worth it and I went off it.  The changes to my period persisted for a while, with my cramps getting gradually worse/back to normal over the course of about 3 years.  (does that sound like endo? does surgery actually help?)

So, for this go-round, I decided to try the Ortho Tri-Cyclen, which is tri-phasic.  This means you start with a week of "low" dose pills, then go to a week of medium dose, then a week of "high" dose.  BUT: the estrogen stays at the same level for all 21 days of active pills.  It's just the progestin that changes, from .015 to .020 to .025 mcg.  You can google up the various side effects of the two drugs, but in a nutshell, estrogen causes most of the bad side effects (blood clots, cancer, nausea, loss of desire).  So, I took OTC for a month, and my blood pressure shot up to 160/100, with shakiness, headaches, weird pains in my legs (probably imaginary).  Also it made me so nauseous I missed work one day and had to start taking it with dinner (so I could feel ill in my sleep) instead of in the morning.  And my cramps were improved, but not gone by a long shot.

I stuck with it for the first month and then switched to Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo, which is new and therefore has no generic equivalent, so costs $44 bucks a month.  The "Lo" means that the estrogen is at .025mcg instead of .035mcg - otherwise it's the same as OTC.  This difference of .010mcg is apparently why the actual pills are about HALF the size of the OTC pills - they're so teeny weeny that I can't push them out of the blister pack using my fingers; I have to use a pen or a spoon handle.  Thanks, dumbass Ortho marketing people. "Let's make the pill REALLY SMALL so people know what a TINY dose they're getting!"

Other than that, it's doing a very good job.  My cramps are still bad, by normal standards - I have to take about 12 advil over the course of the first day of my period, and about 6 on the second day.  But if I stick with the advil I'm able to have a fairly normal day - i.e. I can work.  The worst periods before we stopped TTC (which may have actually been early miscarriages), I took 12 advil before lunch and then had to switch to vicodin, and even then all I could do was lie on the couch.  Also, since the pill gives you a totally predictable period, I've managed to nudge my schedule a bit so it always starts on a saturday, so I can just plan to stay home that day if I want. 

It's not the spectacular result I was hoping for, but I'm pleased with it because on the OTCLo, I have almost no bad side-effects.  My blood pressure is normal (for a fat 38-year-old, anyway), my period is 5 days (2 heavy 3 light), my moods, which have evened out with age anyway, are just enough up and down so that I feel like ME, but overall I'm cheerier and less prone to blue days.  Also I'm a lot less anxious and stressed, and I have way more energy.  This may just be because I'm not TTC any more so I don't feel like I'm carrying the weight of my failed womanhood around with me all the time, but I suspect the hormones also have something to do with it.  It also has helped clear up my skin.  Does this mean I do NOT have a zit on my chin right now?  No. Damn. I still get zits, but not as bad and not as often. Oh well, can't have everything.

What else?  Well, I haven't lost any weight but I haven't gained any either. Oh, my sex drive! That's been a net gain, actually.  I've always had peaks and valleys throughout the course of any given month and being on the pill seems to make the valleys a bit lower.  That is, instead of being too tired/busy/stressed for sex on some days (pre-pill), it just doesn't even occur to me to think about it, some days (on-pill). The peaks are probably a little lower too.  But because the pill/getting off the baby wagon has made me more cheerful and reduced my anxiety, I'm more likely to be in the mood for sex on the days when it does occur to me to think about it.  Also, I have more energy overall, so I've just recently started exercisiing - lifting weights and riding my bike - which does help to increase desire. So I'm getting laid a little more and expect this to continue to improve as we get back to the "hey, this is fun" type of sex instead of the "we must be doing it wrong! this'll never make a baby! hurry up! the computer says we've only got 20 minutes left!" type of sex.

So, the overall verdict:  OTCLo has made my mood better, my energy better, and has not made me sick or miserable in any of the usual ways pills do.  It has not eliminated my cramps but it's made them manageable.  I don't know how good it is at actually preventing pregnancy (I forget who, but I at least one blogging mom got pregnant on it) but since my body manages that without any assistance, I'm not worried about that.

Sorry if that all sounds like a big frickin' ortho add, but dang, I love feeling healthy and not worrying about unmanageable pain.  Unless something changes, I'm staying on this thing until menopause.  

Addendum:  I forgot, there is one bad side effect -- my allergies have been CRAZY.  Not as bad as before I had immunotherapy (aka "allergy shots"), or as bad as when I had 2 cats instead of one, or when I was still eating chocolate. (Yes, pity me, for I am allergic to chocolate, and have had none for lo these three years) But bad enough that I'm hitting the benadryl regularly during this season of blooming things, and can't have pizza or garlic more than a couple times a week.   For me, a more than fair trade, but if the hay fever was amped up into the migraines & athsma range (chocolate does this, sigh) I'd maybe reconsider.

Very Late Addendum, 1 year later: This pill sent my blood pressure up to 180/100 or thereabouts.  So there's another side effect to consider. (I had to stop taking it at that point, of course)