The Slot Machine
The lovely Manuela over at The Thin Pink Line has something very exciting happening. Go post an encouraging comment!
Her latest post is about infertiles who become pregnant without (apparent) intervention, and all the dumb comments that invariably ensue. It got me thinking, and I came up with this analogy:
Fertile people go to the ATM to get cash. Infertile people go to the slot machine. It's not impossible to get cash out of it, but the odds are really against us. If you hit the jackpot, fertile people will say, "see, I told you if you did it like I did it, it would work for you," and will share all the info about how their "system" works. But the ATM doesn't require a system...whereas the slot machine is designed to SCREW YOU.
Some people pour their life savings into the slot machine, and eventually hit the jackpot...or not. Others may find a quarter on the floor on their way out of the casino and get lucky on that one last try. But no matter how many lucky people you see or hear about, you should know that it's NEVER going to be the same as the ATM. And just like a slot machine, there is no system that can beat it...only luck.
Of course, thinking about this got me thinking about how to extend the money analogy to cover adoption. And what popped into my head is: since the ATM doesn't work and I can't afford (emotionally anyway) to play the slots, I'm robbing the casino!
I know, I know, it's a terrible, insensitive, non-positive-adoption-language analogy. But I feel pretty guilty about benefitting from another woman's loss (and a child's loss). And in the movies it's always a glorious thing, when they open the vault and find all those stacks and stacks of lovely money. It's better than any jackpot...but ethically questionable. So the analogy works for me, at the moment anyway!
Comments
I love using analogies to prove a point... and THIS one... is genius.
I'm definitely going to use it.
Posted by: Manuela | July 13, 2006 05:20 PM
Comment on my first visit, sorry. Would normally lurk, but virgin commenting to say: robbing the casino LIKE ROBIN HOOD. Cuz, the babies go where they are needed.
Posted by: isabel | July 13, 2006 09:07 PM
How about instead of robbing the casino you receive a loan of some sort? It's a fantastic analogy apart from that bit. :)
Posted by: Sassy | July 14, 2006 10:16 PM
I think it's a wonderful analogy, but not sure it works for adoption. Have to think a bit more about that one.
Posted by: thalia | July 18, 2006 05:43 AM
Thought you might be interested in this analogy from the IVFConnections boards (read it today):
For what it's worth, my experience of this feeling seems somewhat different from jealousy or envy -- it feels much deeper and more primal to me. It's as if you were literally starving to death, while having to sit there and watch your friends and family gush over an incredibly satisfying meal (which for whatever reason they cannot share with you). Sometimes, you even have to serve them their food (similar to when you go to baby showers, etc.) How could you not feel deep anguish in that situation? If you express your pain, your loved ones often stop feasting only long enough to dismiss your feelings (relax, you'll get something to eat eventually). If you exit the banquet hall because you are starving and can't suffer through the feast any longer, your loved ones may pause between bites to call you bitter, petty and self-centered. They may even tell you how lucky you are to be starving (just think, you won't get fat!), or glibly and facetiously offer you their food (you can have my roast beef -- it's not sitting well in my stomach today). Of course, you can't ACTUALLY have their roast beef. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Posted by: isabel | July 21, 2006 01:31 AM
Keep up the great work on your blog. Best wishes WaltDe
Posted by: WaltDe | August 31, 2006 11:44 AM