This is a collage I made back in 1997 when I was learning Photoshop (starting to, that is.  I'm still learning Photoshop!).  It's about female sexuality, in case all the fruit doesn't make that apparent.  Oh, my clever and ungodly serious 10-years-younger self! And I really called it the title shown up above, even though that's clearly a butter knife I've stuck into everything. I'm still quite fond of this image, though.  I find the big stern lady unnerving, but as I recall, that was my intention.  

Anyway, the source images are...hm. Big stern lady is some Gainsborough or other, little girl is Gainsborough's daughter (chasing a butterfly in the original...surprised I didn't work that in!).  I'm pretty sure that's Mary Stuart being guided to the chopping block, and the nonchalant gal in the corner sure looks like she's by Alma-Tadema.  As for the fruit images, god knows - something in a Christie's catalog, most likely, from the golden age of fruit pictures (17th century).  Nowadays I'm careful about attribution, of course, but back in the dark ages it didn't occur to me to keep track.

Posted by alchemist at 09:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Mary Dell's Amazing Closet-Sorting Algorithm

These are my steps for overcoming the curse of handmedowns and garage sales. The first time takes a while but is worth it. Oh and it's kinda fun.

Ready? Okey dokey.

Go through all clothing you own.

Sort it into piles based on the following questions:

    1. do I love it?

        if no, put in pile A. if yes, proceed to 2.

    2. does it fit?

        if no, put in pile B. if yes, proceed to 3.

    3. is it in good condition?

        if no, put in pile C. if yes, go to 4.

    4. does it flatter me?

        if no, put in pile D. if yes, go to 5.

    5. can I assemble an outfit that includes it?

        if no, put in pile E. if yes, give it a little hug and hang it up--it is now officially part of your wardrobe.

Now, go through pile A and ask these questions:

    6. do I wear this?

        if yes, put in pile F. if no, proceed to 7.

    7. do I feel I might need to wear this item at some point?

        if yes, put in pile G. if no, proceed to 8.

    8. do I feel compelled to keep this even though I'll never wear it?

        if yes, put in pile H. if no, put in the discard pile.

   Ok, so here's what to do with the piles:

    Piles H and B should be packed up in boxes and stored until such time as you feel like doing this again for those items.

    Items in piles G and F (unloved) should be systematically "upgraded" with similar items that you can say yes to questions 1-5 for. For instance, the blah interview suit that you keep just in case should be replaced with one you really love, as soon as you find it. In the meantime you put all those items in a different part of your closet and make a list that you take whenever you're shopping. In a year or two you'll have upgraded all of them and can discard or store them. I replaced all my baggy black tee shirts with fitted black tee shirts, for instance, over the course of year.

    Items in pile C (beloved, but damaged) should be repaired, dry cleaned, or replaced. A little mourning party is acceptable for something great that's not salveagable.

    Items in pile E (beloved orphans) should be taken shopping. Buy whatever you need to make a complete outfit with that item so that you can actually wear it.

    Items in pile D (unflattering, and therefore undeserving of love, but loved anyway) should be played with in front of the mirror, preferably when you're in a good mood. The thing you love that just doesn't suit you because of the color or whatever can be worn anyway with the right hair, makeup, and other items. I had a coral color dress that was too bright for my pale skin, but with matching lipstick it worked, because the fabric and fit were wonderful. Pull together a whole look for that item that will let you feel good wearing it.

Now you should be done! You will have 3 sections of your closet and drawers now:

        1. stuff I love and can't wait to wear

        2. stuff I can't wear just yet but will once it's repaired or I have pieces to go with it

        3. stuff I have to wear until I buy better stuff.

Keep it sectioned like that from now on. You will also have 2 sets of boxes:

        1. stuff I hope to wear again

        2. stuff I'm never gonna wear, but am keeping anyway.

And you'll have shopping lists

        1.stuff I need to replace with better stuff

        2.stuff I need to add to my wardrobe.

by Mary Dell (of course)

Posted by alchemist at 10:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

About 3 months ago I started walking down the stairs at work.  That is, I started walking my fat ass down 7 flights of stairs at the end of the day, instead of riding the elevators.  And most days I'd get off a floor early and walk up one flight.   It's not much but it's something, right?  Well, after about a month of that my knees were stronger, so I quit walking the stairs (because it's effing boring) and started riding my bike.  I also tried a bit of walking as part of my commute--chronicled here and quickly rejected as a means of transit and as a form of exercise.  But I stuck with the biking.

So for about a month I've been riding my bike 4 miles most days.  I've gotten in the habit of coming home, changing into my workout togs (such as they are), and exercising for 30 or 40 minutes.  But the biking is the wrong combination of easy & hard.  Easy enough that I don't break much of a sweat or get my heart rate up - or lose any weight - but hard enough that I'm tired after the third mile.  So extending the ride isn't a good way to push myself.

But I've always had a secret inner jock.  Where other big girls wistfully eye little dresses and skinny jeans, I sigh over the cute space-fiber tops and yoga pants in the nike store.  When I was young and skinny myself, it was because I would go to the gym and lift weights every day.  Well, that and I was 20 years old--youth makes everything physical easier (and everything psychological harder!).  But even though I biked, lifted weights, worked out on the rowing machine, and so on, the one thing I could never do was run.

Except it turns out, I can.  Running doesn't come naturally to me, but by thinking my way into it, and researching it and testing things out, I'm learning to do it, like any other hobby.  If I run in a way that feels natural, I get winded in about a half a block, and I stay winded for 20 minutes.  If I run in a low-down, slow, old-lady shuffle I don't get winded, but my feet and knees hurt.  If I run in a kind of bouncy jog, but take it down to half speed, it starts to come together.  I can breathe, my legs feel good, my feet come down flat without twisting, and I can run.

For a little bit, anyway.  I'm up to half a mile of actual running, which I intermix with half a mile of walking, gasping a bit, and being amazed at how years of biking have utterly failed to develop the muscles right behind my ankle bones.  Like, I'm pretty sure that muscle has never been called upon in my adult life.  Anyway today was my third day, and I ran more than I walked.  There were one or two moments where I actually was enjoying the run.  Very brief moments, but still.  I can't wait for tomorrow's run, and it's been years and years since a workout made me feel that way.

I'm so excited about this, I can hardly stand it! 

Posted by alchemist at 10:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I got my very first Ball-Joint Doll, except she doesn't really count because she's a Robert Tonner doll, so not Asian, and more fashion-doll influenced than a proper customizable BJD.   But she's sweet, and while she's nowhere near as nice as the Elfdoll Hana I have on layaway at The Doll Peddlar, I do like her little pixie face.  And I got her for a hundred bucks!  Wizard World Convention deal, woo! Which is (for those who aren't familiar with the expensive world of resin dolls) WAY less than Elfdoll Hana or any other BJD. 

I'll do a proper write-up with photos of her joints and stuff soon, but for now here she is on my book shelf, wearing an Only Hearts club outfit.
 

Posted by alchemist at 11:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

 Ethan on Making Light suggested a mashup between this Kinkade image (title: Almost Heaven) and this Call of Cthulhu image. I was happy to oblige. Click through to see larger.

Here's how to do a fast mashup.  You don't need to have strong photoshop-fu, I promise! You don't even need photoshop, just an app with layers and a precision lasso--that is, one where you draw the line with multiple clicks, rather than dragging the line.  Transform tools are good too.

Then, choose two images with reasonably similar lighting and get started.

1. Drop the water/background image on the bottom layer
2. Drop Cthulhu on the next layer
3. Cut out (with the lasso) or erase (harder than lassoing, but doable) all the parts of Cthulhu I don't want, being careful to keep all of his tentacles
4. Put a second copy of the water/background image onto the layer above Cthulhu
5. Erase the upper part of the water image until I've got Cthuhlu looking sort of like he's emerging from the water. Erase the bits around his tentacles so that the tentacles are on top (even though that looks fake).
6. Pull up another copy of the original Cthuhlu image and use the lasso to select a big water splash
7. Put the water splash on the top layer and use it to disguise the place where Cthuhlu emerges from the water
8. Copy bits of the water splash and flip and turn them to cover the tips of his tentacles.  Turn the opacity down on some of these layers if necessary to add variety.
9. With the lasso, select a very thin line from the tip of the fishing pole to Cthuhul's mouth
10. With the eyedropper, click the fishing pole to pick up its color (light greyish)
11. Use the "stroke" function to do a 1 pixel stroke of the selection, thereby creating a fishing line
12. Deselect All
13. Flatten the layers

Posted by alchemist at 06:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)